30 Years Ago Today....

Thirty years ago, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy.  Words can not express the joy within my soul when I held him for the first time.  Knowing that he would be my last child, I savored the moments as I watched him grow.  R. was a happy child, full of life and laughter and always seeking new adventures.  He loved the outdoors and became an avid hunter.  He enjoyed sports and played youth baseball for 7 years.  He enjoyed playing drums and was a member of the local school band for 7 years.  I could go on and on about the joy and pleasure of raising this boy who stole my heart.  For the first eighteen years of his life, he seemed content most of the time.  Like any other typical boy, he sometimes found trouble, but nothing that couldn't be handled with a little parental discipline or guidance.

Today, my son will spend his 30th birthday incarcerated.  There will be no birthday gathering to help him celebrate what many adults consider a "milestone" in their lives.  Today, I will not see my son.  I will not be able to hug him and say "Happy Birthday, Son!".  

Still, today I will CELEBRATE his life and the many cherished memories of yesteryear.  I will feel grateful for the life that breathes through his being, knowing that because of his destructive choices, he could be lying in a cold grave, absent of even an ounce of hope for his future.  As I go through my usual routine, I will remember him often today, and pray for him.  I will pray that hope finds him and peace restores him.  I will pray that his future birthdays are filled with joyful moments and cherished memories.

I will also pray for myself, for strength and guidance in the days ahead when he regains his freedom, for further wisdom and understanding of the disease of addiction, and for resilience when I am faced with feelings of guilt and doubt.  I will pray for hope to sustain its presence within me, especially on those days when doubt seeks to devour me.  

I will pray for our family and others who love R. so very much.   Like me, they want their loved one back.

I love you, my dear son!  My thoughts are with you today...