Today I went for my second visitation with my son, who remains in jail. Like the last time I saw him, he appeared well groomed and clean. By clean, I mean his skin looked clear and the dark circles under his eyes are now gone. He smiled today- a big, authentic smile that reminded me of the person he is when addiction doesn’t consume his life. I love his smile, when it is genuine, and today it was. We just shared some general chit-chat about our loved ones and recent events in the family. He talked about life in jail to an extent- the food is horrible so he eats ramen noodles frequently, smoking privileges have been banned, and how the security officers generally ignore all of his questions. I reminded him that he is a prisoner; therefore he is treated as such.
Because we have to “shout” to hear each other over all the other visitors present, we didn’t get into the discussion of his plans when he is released. At present, I know of two transitional or halfway houses here and the fees are steep, more than we can afford. I’m unsure what to do at this point. It is something I’m going to have to think extensively about. I feel apprehensive about him returning to live in our home because I fear he will relapse and we will be once again face all the stress placed on us time and again in the past.
I’m too tired to go into further details right now. I need to get some rest and think on it a while….
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